Image by Blair Whipple
I came up with the jokes, too!
Hope you like them!
Darby Dimwit's Words of Wisdom
Disco Dan's Boogaloo Knock! Knock! Jokes
Don'tcha Get Tired Of...
Joe & Schmoe
One-Liner Land
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JOE: Boy, are you stupid!
SCHMOE: What do you mean by that exactly?
JOE: I heard your cousin robbed a bread factory.
SCHMOE: Yeah, he needed the dough.
HUNTER JOE: Do you hunt deer?
HUNTER SCHMOE: Why yes, darling.
JOE: Nobody could be that dumb!
SCHMOE: Oh, that sounds like a dare!
JOE: I once had a dog who wouldn't stop barking.
SCHMOE: Was it bad?
JOE: It was ruff!
JOE: Did you hear about the exclusive American Indian restaurant?
SCHMOE: You can't get in without a reservation.
JOE: I gotta run to the store.
SCHMOE: Don't you think you should drive?
[This joke contributed by Quinn O'Hara. Visit her site HERE!]
JOE: My cousin was a poor lawyer, but now he's a rich lawyer.
SCHMOE: How'd he do that?
JOE: He climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
JOE: Did you hear about the new neo-nazi heavy metal band?
SCHMOE: Yeah, "Might Makes Reich."
JOE: This neighborhood sure turned bad!
SCHMOE: Yeah, from block parties to glock parties!
JOE: Did you hear about the female pop-star with fake body parts who lip-synchs and doesn't even write her own songs?
SCHMOE: Yeah. She wants to be admired for her talent.
JOE: There's a movie now where all of the actresses look and act great, just like those from the 1960s.
SCMOE: It's amazing what they can do with CGI.
BLAIR'S THOUGHTS
Lord knows we all need laughs. Watch the President on TV sometime.
Did you hear we're winning the war in Iraq? We sure do like to take a long time winning, don't we?
Lower your I.Q. Watch reality shows.
ONE-LINER LAND
Have you heard of the new Canadian rock group, Guns 'n' Hosers?
DARBY DIMWIT'S WORDS OF WISDOM
There are none so blind as those who cannot see.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but guns, knives, and pipes won't do me any favors, either.
Waste not, want not. In other words, if you don't waste it, you don't want it.
Time flies...especially when you throw your clock out of the window.
Speak softly and carry a big stick. Especially when you're walking home late at night in the ghetto.
It takes a big man to cry. This is certainly true when he tries to squeeze himself into a compact car.
DISCO DAN'S BOOGALOO KNOCK! KNOCK! JOKES
Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Antsin.
Antsin Who?
Antsin my pants! I gotta dance!
Giddown.
Giddown Who?
Giddown with your bad self!
Pinda.
Pinda Who?
Pinda tail on the funky!
Antsin Who?
Antsin my pants! I gotta dance!
Giddown.
Giddown Who?
Giddown with your bad self!
Pinda.
Pinda Who?
Pinda tail on the funky!
DON'TCHA GET TIRED
OF...
[ANIMALS]
those little yippy dogs that might as well be cats?
going to the zoo in order to see a variety of animals, maybe seeing one giraffe, one sea otter, and a million monkey cages?
[CARS]
not knowing what the $&%* colors of new cars are supposed to be?
pickup trucks, no matter how old or the lack of features, being more expensive than a newer luxury car?
[COMIC BOOKS]
"comic books" that are not comical or contain enough pages to constitute a magazine, let alone a book?
[FAST FOOD]
knowing that there is no longer a fast food chain that makes good french fries?
seeing the "Super Monster Burger" on TV that when you get it is pressed down to a whopping 1" thick?
[MOVIES]
some movie actors that are labeled as "studly" but it's plain to see they're geeky shrimps?
seeing the same jerky actor/actress that you didn't like 20 years ago still making movies?
foreign movies with poorly dubbed over voices or subtitles being snuck into movie rental stores, presented on the box as an American movie, in hopes that you will make a mistake and rent it?
those "#1-at-the-box-office" movies you've never seen previews of, hear people talk about, or even rent when they come out on video?
movie critics who wouldn't know a good movie if it kicked them in the pooper?
[MUSIC]
todays popular "music" acts that play no freaking instruments?
the best music you've ever heard never being played on radio or selling many copies, making it harder than heck for you to find anywhere?
people that only refer to band names by abbreviations when they can just as well say the full name (i.e. BTO, ELP, ELO, CSNY, etc.)?
oldies channels that only play the same top 10 hits every day in the same order?
seeing more white kids than black people play loud, obnoxious rap music in their cars for the whole world to hear?
every couple years in every decade there's a big, corporate push for any and all Latino singers on TV and radio without the public demand?
[SOCIETY]
the ugliest art ever made being called the greatest masterpieces of all time just because they're old and foreign?
being a colorful person in a world with a lot of "gray" people?
the biggest hippocrates calling you something you're not?
seeing a DJ at every formal function instead of a live band like it always used to be and is much cooler?
a**hole celebrities that have an inflated opinion about everything, but mostly about themselves?
almost every young newcomer celebrity guy trying to be the "bad boy" of something?
being 6' tall and over, and knowing that the world around you is made for dwarfs?
every type of human freakshow wanting "special" rights and privileges while us few normal people left are expected to play by a different set of rules?
people who normally don't have enough guts to tell a person off to his/her face gain an increased vocabulary through e-mail?
[TV]
all jokes on TV being sarcastic or otherwise mean-spirited?
hearing laugh tracks on TV that are made to cue your laughter because they are not really funny?
reality TV shows that are about as far from reality as you can get?
almost every documentary having a narrator with an English accent to make it sound intelligent?
those people who came up with the idea that there was such a thing as "cartoon violence"?
seeing late-night talk show hosts with the same odd color of reddish-brown hair that you rarely see anyone have in public?
women on TV with no good legs, breasts, or cheekbones that are supposed to pass for sexy?
almost everything on TV being about sex?
those far out crimes they make up on the cops and lawyer shows that had to be thought up by freakish minds? For example, "the drug-dealing, crosseyed albino midget that killed and raped his infant daughter, joined a religious biker cult, and fed his daughter to killer sharks with AIDS"? Oh, yeah! This kind of thing happens everyday! If I find out that art truly imitates life when it comes to making these shows, I'm not stepping outside ever again!
those little yippy dogs that might as well be cats?
going to the zoo in order to see a variety of animals, maybe seeing one giraffe, one sea otter, and a million monkey cages?
[CARS]
not knowing what the $&%* colors of new cars are supposed to be?
pickup trucks, no matter how old or the lack of features, being more expensive than a newer luxury car?
[COMIC BOOKS]
"comic books" that are not comical or contain enough pages to constitute a magazine, let alone a book?
[FAST FOOD]
knowing that there is no longer a fast food chain that makes good french fries?
seeing the "Super Monster Burger" on TV that when you get it is pressed down to a whopping 1" thick?
[MOVIES]
some movie actors that are labeled as "studly" but it's plain to see they're geeky shrimps?
seeing the same jerky actor/actress that you didn't like 20 years ago still making movies?
foreign movies with poorly dubbed over voices or subtitles being snuck into movie rental stores, presented on the box as an American movie, in hopes that you will make a mistake and rent it?
those "#1-at-the-box-office" movies you've never seen previews of, hear people talk about, or even rent when they come out on video?
movie critics who wouldn't know a good movie if it kicked them in the pooper?
[MUSIC]
todays popular "music" acts that play no freaking instruments?
the best music you've ever heard never being played on radio or selling many copies, making it harder than heck for you to find anywhere?
people that only refer to band names by abbreviations when they can just as well say the full name (i.e. BTO, ELP, ELO, CSNY, etc.)?
oldies channels that only play the same top 10 hits every day in the same order?
seeing more white kids than black people play loud, obnoxious rap music in their cars for the whole world to hear?
every couple years in every decade there's a big, corporate push for any and all Latino singers on TV and radio without the public demand?
[SOCIETY]
the ugliest art ever made being called the greatest masterpieces of all time just because they're old and foreign?
being a colorful person in a world with a lot of "gray" people?
the biggest hippocrates calling you something you're not?
seeing a DJ at every formal function instead of a live band like it always used to be and is much cooler?
a**hole celebrities that have an inflated opinion about everything, but mostly about themselves?
almost every young newcomer celebrity guy trying to be the "bad boy" of something?
being 6' tall and over, and knowing that the world around you is made for dwarfs?
every type of human freakshow wanting "special" rights and privileges while us few normal people left are expected to play by a different set of rules?
people who normally don't have enough guts to tell a person off to his/her face gain an increased vocabulary through e-mail?
[TV]
all jokes on TV being sarcastic or otherwise mean-spirited?
hearing laugh tracks on TV that are made to cue your laughter because they are not really funny?
reality TV shows that are about as far from reality as you can get?
almost every documentary having a narrator with an English accent to make it sound intelligent?
those people who came up with the idea that there was such a thing as "cartoon violence"?
seeing late-night talk show hosts with the same odd color of reddish-brown hair that you rarely see anyone have in public?
women on TV with no good legs, breasts, or cheekbones that are supposed to pass for sexy?
almost everything on TV being about sex?
those far out crimes they make up on the cops and lawyer shows that had to be thought up by freakish minds? For example, "the drug-dealing, crosseyed albino midget that killed and raped his infant daughter, joined a religious biker cult, and fed his daughter to killer sharks with AIDS"? Oh, yeah! This kind of thing happens everyday! If I find out that art truly imitates life when it comes to making these shows, I'm not stepping outside ever again!
