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The Worst Movies Ever Made
Traditionally in Polar Blair's Den, I will not mention anything I don't like.  Polar Blair's Den is all about celebrating the good things in life.  However, I feel movie-watchers should be warned about certain films that have no entertainment value.

13 so far!

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"The Big White" (2005)
Something for the filmmakers to think about:  A comedy movie shouldn't leave you horrified and depressed.  Way too gross and way too sad to get any big laughs.  Robin Williams makes either really good movies or really stinky movies.  This ranks pretty high on the stink-ometer.

"Crank" (2006)
Hey, this movie starred "The Transporter" guy, and the Transporter movies are good.  So why does this movie suck?  This is like a version of "The Transporter" if that film had ADHD and was directed by Quentin Tarantino.  What's with all the grizzly violence and shaky camerawork?  Totally disappointing.  And I really like Jason Statham.  What a shame.  They actually made a sequel!

"Cyber-C.H.I.C." (1989)

So entirely bad on all counts.  Couldn't watch it past twenty minutes.  Not even Kathy Shower naked made this worth watching, and I never realized Burt Ward could be SO annoying.

"Equilibrium" (2002)
Boring, depressing, and dumb.  A sci-fi stinker of epic proportions.  Hokey-rific!  And something totally original:  An oppressive government in the future does...something...and I've already lost interest.  Christian Bale's the headliner in this farce.

"Flubber" (1997)
Another Robin Williams stinker!  The original Flubber movies from the 1960s aren't great, but they're watchable.  This was way awful!  Absolutely no attachment to reality.  Everything about this movie is so annoying and doesn't make sense.

"The Gods Must be Crazy" (1980)

This is so God-awful (pun intended) that I'm surprised it's had sequels.  People must be crazy!

"Groundhog Day" (1993)
I'm not a great fan of Bill Murray, but he does have some good shows.  This is his absolute worst.  Redundant and unfunny all the way through.

"Once Upon a Time in Mexico" (2003)
The previous movie in this series, "Desperado" (1995), was so good!  This movie completely ruined what could have been a franchise.  A totally incoherent story and stupid action sequences.  So, so bad.

"Patch Adams" (1998)
I don't usually agree with movie critic Roger Ebert.  I don't like Roger Ebert.  But I'm in total agreement with him that this movie entirely sucks.  I hate, hate, HATE this movie.  It had Robin Williams.  It was advertised as a comedy.  I thought it was worth watching, so sue me!  Here's a thought: If it's a dark drama, leave it as a dark drama.  If it's a lighthearted comedy, make it a lighthearted comedy all the way through.  Trying to combine the two was a total mistake.  Consequently, I was too depressed by the time it came to the funny parts to even laugh.  This movie brings you right down.

"Scenes From a Mall" (1991)

So dang boring and pointless I couldn't finish watching it.  The ONLY good part is when Bette Midler kicks Woody Allen in the nuts.

"Terror" (1978)
An English "slasher" horror movie with absolutely no point and no light side.  Worst of all, it's boring and uninteresting to follow.  Who cares who gets killed?  It's all the same, anyway.

"Troll 2" (1990)
This is quite literally one of the worst things ever.  It has NOTHING to do with "Troll" (1986) and features not even one troll, but an army of shape-shifting goblins.  Incredibly bad acting, bad story, bad special effects.  Just all around bad.  What is surprising to me is that this movie has some sort of a cult following among nerds.  There was even a special 20th anniversary release on DVD.  It stars...who cares?  Everything about this movie straight up sucks!

"The Undertaker & His Pals" (1966)
This is probably the absolute worst movie I've ever seen.  It does, however, have two highlights: Sally Frei and Warrene Ott.  Those girls are hot, hot, HOT, and they do show some acting talent.  But all the male actors are just awful.  The whole movie was a wash outside of Frei and Ott.